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Many people choose to disclose to someone they trust (e.g. friend, whānau member, peer, or colleague), before reaching out to a support service or making a report to NZ Police. It’s also common for victim-survivors of harmful sexual behaviour to experience feelings like shame, guilt, or uncertainty about what happened. These feelings, along with the fear of receiving a negative or dismissive reaction from disclosing what has happened, can make it hard to tell someone – when they do, it often means they trust you as a safe person to tell.
When someone shares an experience of harmful sexual behaviour with you, it’s completely understandable to feel unsure about how to respond or worry that you may say the wrong thing. You might also have your own emotional reaction to what you’ve been told – sometimes feelings come up for you, that you didn’t expect. Hearing about violence can be confronting, especially when it involves someone you care about. It’s entirely normal to feel that you need support yourself or someone to talk to.
Principles when receiving a disclosure of harmful sexual behaviour
Immediate Safety Concerns
If you believe someone may be in immediate danger of being hurt, or hurting some else please contact:
- Campus Security – if the immediate danger is on campus, call 0800 823 637, or press the red button on a Help Point Tower (blue light) for assistance. UC Security will take the appropriate steps to ensure safety and access to support.
- NZ Police – If the immediate danger is off-campus please dial 111 and ask for Police.
Need support or advice after receiving a disclosure
If you need advice after receiving a disclosure of harmful sexual behaviour, please contact below:
- Student Care (if you are a student).
- Prevention & Response Lead – Harmful Sexual Behaviour (if you are a staff member) – details are on the Staff Intranet page.
What Not to Do
There are numerous reasons why people do not disclose their experience of harmful sexual behaviour straight away, or soon after. For example, they may have
- Been disbelieved in the past for disclosing their experience.
- Have a fear of being judged, blamed, or that they won’t be taken seriously.
- Are still coming to terms with what has happened.
- Fear there may be repercussions with their friends, whānau, study, authorities, or employment.
- Have been threatened by - or are scared - the accused person may find out.
There are numerous reasons why people do not disclose their experience of harmful sexual behaviour straight away, or soon after. For example, they may have
- Been disbelieved in the past for disclosing their experience.
- Have a fear of being judged, blamed, or that they won’t be taken seriously.
- Are still coming to terms with what has happened.
- Fear there may be repercussions with their friends, whānau, study, authorities, or employment.
- Have been threatened by - or are scared - the accused person may find out.
- Threats of violence or acts of aggression shifts away the focus from supporting the victim-survivor.
- It removes the victim-survivor’s control and autonomy over the situation.
- It can interfere with reporting or investigation processes.
- It can place the victim-survivor at risk, particularly if the accused person believes they have something to lose.
- Retaliation and threatening behaviour are considered a breach of the student and staff codes of conduct.
- Threats of violence or acts of aggression shifts away the focus from supporting the victim-survivor.
- It removes the victim-survivor’s control and autonomy over the situation.
- It can interfere with reporting or investigation processes.
- It can place the victim-survivor at risk, particularly if the accused person believes they have something to lose.
- Retaliation and threatening behaviour are considered a breach of the student and staff codes of conduct.
There is never an excuse for harmful sexual behaviour, so it does not matter what the victim-survivor was doing before or during the assault. This includes whether they were drinking, wearing certain clothes, were out late at night, or were perceived to be flirting.
There is never an excuse for harmful sexual behaviour, so it does not matter what the victim-survivor was doing before or during the assault. This includes whether they were drinking, wearing certain clothes, were out late at night, or were perceived to be flirting.
When someone is faced with a traumatic situation, there is usually no time or ability to choose how to respond. Fear responses (e.g. fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop) happen automatically when the brain detects danger, without conscious thought or decision-making. In those moments, the body and brain act instinctively to maximise safety. Whatever response occurred was their nervous system doing its best to protect them at the time.
When someone is faced with a traumatic situation, there is usually no time or ability to choose how to respond. Fear responses (e.g. fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop) happen automatically when the brain detects danger, without conscious thought or decision-making. In those moments, the body and brain act instinctively to maximise safety. Whatever response occurred was their nervous system doing its best to protect them at the time.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to react after experiencing harmful sexual behaviour. Everyone responds differently in the moment, after the harm, or in the future – healing from and processing what has happened is not linear. Victim-survivors’ reactions are often portrayed in films or TV as simplistic; this diminishes the complex feelings many victim-survivors may experience.
There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to react after experiencing harmful sexual behaviour. Everyone responds differently in the moment, after the harm, or in the future – healing from and processing what has happened is not linear. Victim-survivors’ reactions are often portrayed in films or TV as simplistic; this diminishes the complex feelings many victim-survivors may experience.
Victim-survivors can find it difficult to trust people because of their experiences. It is important that we don’t betray their trust by telling people what happened to them without their consent.
Victim-survivors can find it difficult to trust people because of their experiences. It is important that we don’t betray their trust by telling people what happened to them without their consent.
